Why it is better to talk about what is bothering you? 고통, 고민을 숨기지 않고 말하는 법: 믿을 수 있는 지인에게 상담과 조언을 구하라

 

 

Continuing to walk around with a question or problem does no one any good. You can get stressed, down or even depressed. Talking about it can really help you. We asked several experts why it is so important to talk instead of worry.

Why don't we talk sooner?

Apparently we find it very difficult to talk about what is not going well in our lives and to do something about it. Professor of Social Psychology Roos Vonk explains why: "We disguise our imperfections and use all kinds of strategies to gain appreciation, attention or love and make a good impression on others. In the meantime, we hide our doubts and insecurities. Also because being rejected for who you really are is very painful. "

 

Shame for your vulnerability

According to professor Brené Brown, known for the bestseller The Power of Vulnerability, most people don't like to be vulnerable. "You don't want to have to ask for help. Or having to tell you that you don't understand something. Or admitting that you are not proud of something - or proud. Vulnerability is surrounded by shame. Shame for your flaws, for your wishes, your weaknesses, your mistakes. "Soon they'll think I'm stupid," or "Soon he won't want me anymore". "

 

5 good reasons to talk about what is bothering you:

Reason 1: you are no longer alone

Talking creates a connection with another. By sharing your failures, insecurities, and struggles, you show that you trust and need someone. Moreover, you invite the other to do the same, so that mutual trust can grow further. Brené Brown: "The bond deepens when you can tell a friend you need her help. It makes you human that you don't always have an answer for everything. "

 

Reason 2: "self" is not "alone"

Psychologist and trainer Marjon Bohré: "If you are walking around with something and you have the feeling that you are the only one, it is - regardless of the unpleasant situation - extra painful. But when you hear that others are also struggling with this, it takes some of the sharpness away. "

 

She often hears her clients say that they think they should solve it themselves. Bohré: "But" self "is not the same as" alone ". If you share a vulnerable story with someone, it does not diminish your autonomy. You still have to do it yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to wear it alone. "

 

Reason 3: by talking you create order in your head

When you try to suppress certain thoughts, those thoughts will pop up in your head more often. You're going to worry. Researcher Andreas Wismeijer: "But as soon as you talk about something, you convert the emotions into text. You get a story with a beginning, middle and end. That way you can manage events better and worry less about them. "

 

Reason 4: you will feel less ashamed

According to professor Brené Brown, shame loses power when we start talking about what's going on. This applies to shame about a traumatic past, but also to shame about your big belly or poor school performance. "And when something embarrassing happens and we keep it in, it's going to grow and proliferate. It eats us. Be open about it and the shame will diminish, "advises Brené Brown.

 

Reason 5: people like you more

By confessing to your shortcomings, people will also like you more, says professor of social psychology Roos Vonk. "A series of studies at Princeton University found that participants are seen as honest, sincere, and capable of self-reflection when they admit that they are stubborn or impulsive, give up quickly, or feel less than others." That's how you win sympathy.

 

A coach as a discussion partner

A good coach listens to you in a different way than a partner, friend, sister or mother. A coach views your situation as an outsider and has no interests. In addition, he or she is trained to help you gain insights that can prompt you to take steps and make choices that are right for you. Also find a coach who suits you on Coachfinder.