Identity Crisis- problems with foreign adoption

 

"A child needs its own parents"

 

Adoption was fantastic. That was the atmosphere when René Hoksbergen started researching foreign adoption. The educator is now much less enthusiastic about it. "Not growing up with your biological parents is and will remain a loss."

René Hoksbergen had almost adopted herself as a young researcher at Utrecht University. When friends adopted a child from Korea in 1970, he and his wife liked it too.

 

"We could give such a child a better life. We attended meetings of the Wereldkinderen adoption association. There was a fantastic atmosphere there: idealistic, open and involved. I became a volunteer and was soon asked to join the board. "

 

At the time, little was known about the phenomenon of foreign adoption, while more and more children were being adopted from abroad: in 1972 there were still two hundred children, in 1975 already a thousand, and in 1980 sixteen hundred.

 

René Hoksbergen received permission from his pedagogy department at Utrecht University to conduct research. From 1985 to 2000 he was endowed professor of adoption - the only one in the world.

 

Why were you moved by this topic?

René Hoksbergen: "That adoption by friends was the reason. But there is also a personal reason: my mother died when I was nine. I have been well received by my sister, stepmother and other people, with attention and love and care.

 

But that is different. So I know a little about the feelings that adoptees have. That decisions are being made about your life that you may not support at all.

 

And the emotional intensity: it's not like it's nothing to lose both biological parents. Fortunately, they often get excellent parents in return, let's emphasize that. But it is and remains a loss. "

 

In the end, you did not adopt.

"Yes, and I am glad about that afterwards. This allows me to be independent and objective. A child had even been introduced to us in India. But that was about the same age as our son, so I said no. Because then you get competition. In the meantime there were so many childless couples who wanted to adopt that we have canceled our adoption. "

 

You did your first research in 1975. When did the jubilation about adoption change?

"At the end of the 1970s, I started to see that it wasn't always sweetness and sunshine. Every month I gave a lecture for the Wereldkinderen association.

 

At the end, adoptive parents would come to me to ask questions. Because of this I knew that the children, especially when they were a bit older, had quite a few behavioral problems. For example, aggression, stealing, lying and running away.

 

In addition, in the early 1980s I did research together with students among children who ended up in mental health institutions. The chance that an adopted child was placed out of the home for some time turned out to be 5 to 6 percent. That is five times higher than for peers.

 

We were shocked. Because taking a child into your family and then a custodial placement is the last thing you want. We therefore gave our book about this the title Bitter experiences. Bitter for the children, the parents and for me as a researcher. "

 

What are the children struggling with?

"A child who is adopted, perhaps as a baby, loses a lot: its own culture, its own parents, family, the familiar. Often it arrives in the families to some extent damaged. Due to malnutrition, stress from the mother during pregnancy, abuse, and so on.

 

As a result, adoptees have more problems than other children, a lot of research has shown. That is also logical: they have to experience a grieving process. They have to identify with completely strange people. Sometimes they have to repair the damage.

 

And as they grow up, they start to wonder: who am I? But there is often no answer from the biological parents or the rest of the family. They often have major problems with their identity development.

 

Many adoptees also struggle with the feeling of missing something, never fully belonging, loneliness, and seeking recognition. Which contributes to the fact that they sometimes feel badly at home in their adoptive family, or in the Netherlands.

 

Are they always very unhappy people? No, but there is an effect of adoption, also in adulthood, and we have to take that into account. Since my professorship, I have therefore argued for the right to knowledge of the genetic background. 

 

With success: since 2004 it is no longer possible to be an anonymous sperm donor.

Yes, I managed to do that with the help of the current Minister of Justice, and I am proud of it.

 

During my inaugural lecture I said for the first time that I think it is absurd that children do not know who their biological father is, because that was by definition kept secret.

 

People are aware of their background and want to know who their parents are for medical and psychological reasons. Keeping that secret is criminal.

 

In any case, I think that children should by definition grow up with their biological parents. I am therefore not in favor of children growing up with two men or two women, or with a deliberately single parent. 

 

Why not?

René Hoksbergen explains: "In an educational sense, they will certainly not be bad parents. What matters to me is that someone from outside is needed for the conception.

 

As a child, you don't want to grow up with parents other than your biological mother and father, even if they may not be very good at all. You identify with them. When gay parents have a child, it is in their own interest, not that of the child.

 

It is very bad if a child is bought in America or Belgium via a surrogate mother. You don't want to be sold as a child. We know what harm this causes to children, from research and experience.

 

I've met adults like this in America: their quality of life has been forever damaged. In fact, all children as a fetus should already have a lawyer by default to represent their interests.